Silence on the RS4 saga

Having not heard anything from Audi for the past few days, I telephoned earlier for an update. Audi in Germany have requested that the engine is completely stripped and more photos taken, a process which takes some 20 man hours! This has been partially done and after that it is expected a new engine will be supplied (there are some available at the Audi UK central depot in Milton Keynes). I am not going to see it again for some weeks, so they are still trying to get me a 'suitable' courtesy car which apparently will not be a Vauxhall Corsa or similar. We shall see.

In the meantime the Red Rover has been bearing up well with the daily commute, after a little overheating wobble earlier in the week. This seemed to be the result of a complete absence of coolant. Since topping up the issue has not recurred.

RS 4 today's update

Today's update from the efficient Worthing Audi inform me that they are making good progress in the grand scheme of things, namely:

"After speaking to Audi reference our findings of the coking of the valves, we were then asked to carry out compression tests and endoscope imaging on the bores. We found cylinder 3 to have visible scoring and have sent this information back to Audi along with the compression readings. This morning they have contacted us and asked us to remove the engine and strip the cylinder heads and take some ‘good quality’ pictures for them to view. This process will likely take some time, so I will start the process of requesting some more appropriate alternative transportation for you"

It seems it may not be back with me for some considerable time - I await with interest to see their idea of some more appropriate alternative transportation - An R8 V10 perhaps?! I live in hope.

RS4 news

Audi took the engine apart on Friday and by the afternoon had very efficiently emailed me a progress report:

"We have road tested and confirmed that the car does indeed lack the expected power of an RS4, and have inspected and found an amount of coking on the valves and the inlet. We have taken photos and sent them to Audi’s technical department for guidance".

Quite impressed so far. This morning, as I was passing close by there on my way back from a meeting, I took a look for myself and the valves (particularly the rear two) are completely coated in a thick tar like substance. It looks horrible, so we all await news from Germany. In the meantime I am beetling about in the red Rover which so far is proving reliable if as asthmatic as a chain smoking pensioner.

Whilst in the garage, the salesman who sold me the RS4 was in full flow, advising me of a very resting RS6 that would be coming in at the beginning of March - the one with the Lambo V10 engine. Temptations temptations.......

Cocaine fix

After some back and forth with Audi Worthing, the RS4 has been taken away this afternoon for checking and remedial attention. According to Audi this may take some considerable time and in their experience result in a request to Audi in Germany for a new engine. Let's hope it is a V10, that would do nicely! So it will be out with the MX 5 tomorrow.

Colombian drug dealers

I have been concerned of late that my RS4 B7 whilst fast and alot of fun to drive, is not that fast and sometimes feels as flat as Kiera Knightly's midriff in the middle of the rev range. With these doubts in the back of my mind, I decided to take advantage of a half price rolling road testing offer at renowned Audi tuning specialists QST in Haywards Heath.

An hour there confirmed my worst fears when Kim gently presented me with the printouts of the testing - the car is only making 307 bhp instead of the manufacturer's claimed 414 bhp and Kim's expected normal of around 370 bhp (apparently 414 is but a pipe dream of Audi's!). Torque is also well down on that quoted by Audi. This means it is not only making less than my old EVO FQ330, a much lighter car, but also less than the Audi S4 of the same generation. A serious issue!

According to Kim the cause will be the common issue of there being more coke in the valve system than in a Colombian drug dealer's suitcase. The valves are in need of a thorough blast out, apparently this is done with a special machine using hazelnuts?!! So tomorrow first thing it will be a serious chat with the Audi dealer to see about rectification at their cost hopefully. They shall remain nameless and blameless while I give them the benefit of the doubt in dealing with this matter at their or Audi's expense.

Day 6 - Padova to Austria

Wednesday 10 September 2008

We set of from Padova with the old girl having developed an increased thirst for oil as well as a worrying groaning noise from the steering when cornering - not too concerning on the auto strada but more pronounced once off it. We managed to get going around 9am but already it was becoming hot. We took the route along Italy's flat and boring north coast past Venice.

Because of the Beast's various ailments we changed our plans and shortened our original route, which was to have involved a meander through Slovenia via the beautiful Lake Bled and on to Bratislava. Instead we turned directly North after Udine towards Salzburg via the Eastern edge of the Alps.

On reaching the border with Austria we stopped for a brew up and the purchase of the obligatory vingnette allowing us to drive on the Austrian motorway.

Shortly afterwards at Gmund we spotted a sign reading 'Porsche Automuseum' and made an unscheduled detour to a little gem of a museum on the site of Porsche's first factory during World War 2. It is now the only privately owned Porsche museum in the world and contains around 30 Porsches of all descriptions including Mario Andretti's formula one car from the 1970's seen here:

Afterwards we enjoyed a light lunch and beer at the pleasant garden cafe, before continuing on to Salzburg and then eastwards for an hour or so to the town of Altmunster. This town we picked at random from the map for the sole reason it was by a large lake the Traunsee. The lake is beautiful and the choice was for once good.

We found a typical Pension in which to stay at a reasonable rate of 40 Euros. I went out for an early evening run to explore whilst Fatrat checked the Beast yet again for signs of further distress.

We went out to eat at 8, stopping for a fine large beer or two on the way on a roof top terrace overlooking the lake.

The consequence of this was that we had real difficulty in finding somewhere still open to eat. Eventually we descended on the cheap but excellent 'Pizzeria Toscana' curiously owned by a fat Turk!.

Total distance covered in the day was 336 miles, with 1,897 miles managed all together.

Snow beast

Unsurprisingly the RS4 has proved to be brilliantly competent during the Arctic conditions we have experienced since Tuesday and which look like continuing for another few days yet. Our drive and road was impassable with ice for a couple of days unless you had four wheel drive.

The picture above shows the car shortly before being cleared for another foray down our road and into the wastes of Sussex. Great fun also trying to induce a good four wheel slide in the presence of a rather nervous SWMBO who has not driven since the first snowflake fell on her Mini - at which point I was instructed to bed it down with the MX5 in the cosy retreat of the garage.